


That I Wish You Hadn't

by hufflepuffkaspbrak



Series: Things You Said [2]
Category: IT (2017), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Confessions, M/M, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-12
Updated: 2018-03-12
Packaged: 2019-03-30 14:53:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 946
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13953960
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hufflepuffkaspbrak/pseuds/hufflepuffkaspbrak
Summary: The Losers are about to leave for college and Bill would never forgive himself if he didn't confess.





	That I Wish You Hadn't

Bill was running. It was dark in Derry and he was running down the street, wind blowing through his hair and his brain malfunctioning. He didn't know what made him do it. All he knew was that his mind was literally going to explode and his heart was withering away with each passing day. He needed to say it.

He was out of breath by the time he got to Stan's house, hunched over and red faced. He wasn't sure why he ran, why he didn't take his bike or his car but as soon as he stepped outside of his house he felt such a rush of adrenaline that he just took off. He lifted his hand and knocked on the door softly.

Stan's dad answered the door with a smile. "Bill, how are you? Were you running?"

Bill smiled back weakly. "Yeah, I was. Can I t-talk to Stan?" His stutter had gotten better over the years and only tended to show up when he was nervous.

"Of course, he's up in his room." Mr. Uris stepped to the side and let Bill in.

"Thank you." Bill nodded in gratitude and nearly sprinted up the stairs.  
  
When he reached Stan's door, he hesitated slightly as he lifted his hand to the door. _Was he really going to do this? Yes, they were leaving soon and he needed to say it or he would never forgive himself_. He knocked on the door, a bit more urgently than when he knocked on the front door.  
  
Stan opened the door and grinned when he saw it was Bill. "Why did you knock? You know you can just walk in."  
  
"Yeah, I'm…I'm sorry." Bill felt his blood run cold as he looked at Stan, his caramel curls framing his face like a halo and his grin bright enough to power the whole city.  
  
Stan turned around and laid on his bed, looking up at Bill. "Just wanted to hang out or…?"  
  
"No, I ha-had something to say." Bill walked into the room and closed to the door behind him, but stood next to it still.  
  
Stan sat up. "Go for it."  
  
Bill took a deep, shaky breath. He could feel his heart beating so fast and hard he thought it was going to get up and leave his chest. Stan looked so peaceful, sitting on his bed, probably not at all prepared for what Bill was going to tell him. "I love you. L-like, I'm in love with you."  
  
Stan coughed slightly, his eyes going wide. "Uh…"  
  
"You don't have to say a-anything. But I j-just want you to know. I love you." Bill took another breathe, urging his stutter to go away so he could finish his thoughts smoothly. "I have been for a while now, years probably, I don't know, I didn't keep track. It was sometime in the beginning of high school that I realized."  
  
"Bill-" Stan's voice was shaky and soft.  
  
"Let me finish, please." Bill pleaded. "It's always been you, Stan. You were always the one that never failed to put a smile on my face and were by my side with everything. My heart will always leap when you're around and my brain will turn fuzzy and there's not a damn thing I can do about it and I don't think I want to do anything about it."

Stan stood up. "Bill, no." He voice was significantly stronger than it was before. "You know I'm with Mike."

"And I'm not asking for anything." Bill shook his head slightly, looking down at his feet. "I just wanted you to know."  
  
"Why would you put this on me?" Stan demanded. "Why would you tell me this before we leave? I'm leaving with Mike and you're one of my best friends and tell me, why would you do this?"  
  
"I couldn't take it anymore. It was…" He paused to gather his thoughts. "It was tearing me up from the inside out."  
  
"So you're putting pain onto me, too, now?"   
  
"Pain?" Bill looked up, maintaining harsh eye contact with Stan, the two of them still standing on opposite sides of the room.  
  
"You don't think this is going to tear me up now? That now I'm forever going to live with the guilt that I can't love you back? I want to give you all the happiness in the world, damn it, Bill. But you know I can't do this." Stan ran a hand through his hair and paced the room.   
  
"I'm…I'm _sorry_." Bill said and took a step towards Stan.   
  
"Bill…" Stan's voice had gone weak again and his eyes were welling up with tears.  
  
"I don't expect anything from you. I want you to know that. All I want you to know is that I'm in love with you and I didn't want to leave you without having said that." Bill placed a hand on Stan's shoulder, who looked up at him.  
  
"I wish you didn't."  
  
"I'm sorry." Bill repeated.  
Stan had tears flowing freely down his face. "I love Mike."  
  
"I know."  
  
Stan shook his head. "I don't know what to do."  
  
"Nothing." Bill managed a small smile. "Nothing at all."  
  
Bill stroked his face softly and backed towards the door, gripping the door handle. He waited a minute to see if Stan was going to stop him, but when the boy sat down on his bed, he took it as his cue to leave. As he was stepping out the door, he heard Stan's soft voice.  
  
"I wish you hadn't said any of that."  
  
And if Bill's heart shattered into a million pieces that day, no one but him knew.


End file.
